Walking Targets

So...we here in the Pueblo Colorado Stake have the AWESOME opportunity to go to a mission prep class every other week taught by some of the most inspirational, Gospel-minded, Christ-like people I have ever met! Our very first class was last month and it was taught by Brother Ralph Downey-one of my personal heroes! Take it from me ladies and gentlenman-This man is INCREDIBLE. He and his wife have completely changed me by their faithful and Christ-like examples. Anyways, the particular class to which I am refering-our first one-Brother Downey was speaking to us about how the Adeversary heightens his attack on us as we make the desicion to serve a mission and as we carry out the steps to get there. He likened it to a hunting trip- where suddenly all the game are walking around with large red targets. We, brothers and sisters, are the game, and Satan is the hunter. As we prepare to serve a mission and make temple covenants the target on our chest gets bigger and brighter, and the value that Satan sets on bringing us down increases exponentially. I am here to testify of this truth. I didnt't feel it when I decided to serve a mission, or when I submitted my papers, not even when I got my call. But the night that I met with my stake president to get my temple reccomend, I felt it. THat moment right after he signed it and gave it to me was a Perfect moment. I felt peace and pure joy. It was the best I can remember ever feeling about myself. But as I pulled out of the parking lot of the church - it hit me like a tidal wave. I felt as if every negative thing that could happen-happened. Everything from someone cutting me off in trafic to losing my debit card at the atm in the middle of the night, my mom struggling to find a doctor who would perform the neurosurgery required to save her life a second time... I found myself, more than once, driving down the road, crying, and praying that I could focus on the things that were right. Needless to say, it has been a stressful few weeks, but as I draw nearer and nearer to my report date, and nearer still to my temple date, I find myself continually reminded of the Lord's tender mericies, and I gain a greater sense of peace. I know that what I am doing is exactly right for me at this time in my life, and nothing could feel more fulfilling. So, to those who read this, whoever you are, wherever you are, whatever you are going through, I can promise you with total assurety that Heavenly Father knows you. He loves you. And you CAN do this. It's a narrow path, but it is a straight one. Steadfast and unchanging. And you are not alone. I have such joy in the Gospel. What a glorious gift we have been given0to have the True Gospel of Jesus Christ upon the earth today. As I write this I am reminded of a scripture-my very favorite all through high school. D&C 58:2-42 For verily I say unto you, blessed is he that keepeth my commandments, whether in life or in death; and he that is faithful in tribulation, the reward of the same is greater in the kingdom of heaven. 3 Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation. 4 For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand.

Bittersweet

Wow! What a whirlwind! I feel like the time before I report to the MTC is just flying by!! It's bittersweet. While I am SO excited and I know that this is what I need to be doing, I'm finding it surprisingly difficult to come to terms with the knowledge that nothing will be the same after this. I won't be the same. But what a wonderful, blessed change! One of the neatest parts of this whole experience is sharing it with my loved ones. My family and friends have been so supportive and their faith and confidence in me keeps me going. I've also loved watching some of my closest friends receive their mission calls! One of my best friends in the WHOLE WORLD put in her papers the same day I did, and we received the call the same day. She has been called the the England Leeds mission and reports April 18th! Another one of my closest friends received his call yesterday and has been called to the Nevada Las Vegas West Mission and he reports March 26th, the same day that I do! And the super cool part is that he will be serving in the same mission as our friend Devin! We have all gone all the way through high school together and thereby experienced so much together. It's so cool that we all get to share the experience of serving missions at the same time. Knowing that they are out there serving with me is such an inspiring and comforting thought!
But at the same time that all these exciting things are happening, there come with the happiness, Satan's retaliation. Several people told me that when I put in my mission papers, Satan would amp up his game. My mission prep teacher described it this way-he said that when we decided to serve full time missions we put on giant blinking targets, making it all the easier for Satan to target us. These past couple of weeks I have come to know just how true those words are! The day that I met with my Stake President and received my temple recommend was one of the happiest days of my life. What a wonderful feeling! But I woke up the next morning and things-literally overnight- became so much more difficult! I suddenly found myself harboring doubts that I hadn't ever had before, and I felt as if everything that could happen did! My mom had to have a serious surgery, which we had been preparing for for months, but it was suddenly moved up so that I had to push back my temple date several weeks in order for her to heal to a point where she could come with me (although it is a great blessing that she is well and that she is here and can come through the temple with me at all!), I suddenly felt very distant from my friends, I lost my debit card which had never happened to me before!, my whole family got sick, and a number of other things. And now, tonight I had to say my first "until next time" to one of my very best friends, and the reality of it all really hit home.
But despite the sadness that comes with change, and the heightened presence of Satan's doubts, and discouragements, I remain still SO excited for the opportunity to serve my Lord and my Savior. I know that this is what my Heavenly Father would have me do, and I know the great blessing that my family and those around me will receive as a result of my service. What an incredible time. Although I must admit, the activity day girls that I teach have begun to call me Sister Wickham and it's taking me awhile to get used to it! When someone says Sister Wickham, I still look around for my Mom! hahaha. <3